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I am twenty-seven and the mother of two. I’ve been married for seven years and I can’t stand my husband any more! He’s lazy, disgusting and a total loser. He can’t keep a job. He’s been fired three times in the past year and a half and he has absolutely NO ambition! Since we’ve been married he has worked ten different jobs and been fired from all. I won’t go into the legal troubles he’s gotten us involved in either, but they have left us in a lot of debt. I work two jobs, one full time and the other part. I’m exhausted and when I get home I find this lump of garbage slumped on the couch asking me how my day was. Does he tend to laundry and other household chores? No, that’s woman’s work. He doesn’t do ‘woman’s work’ and he’s not much help with our girls either. He just doesn’t do work! I am so unhappy with my life. I’ve had it and I just want to be free of this human waste! I need to stay with my parents so they can help to watch my kids and I need time to get out from under this debt. But, my mother is a very religious woman and believes marriage vows are sacred and that I should “stand by my man.” I told her I would if I had one! She insists that it is my duty to be a supportive wife and not to turn my back on my husband when he needs me. What God has joined together… She also believes I’ll be damaging my kids by separating them from their dad. She refuses to allow me and the girls to stay with her. Dad? My dad follows mom. I don’t know if I should take a chance and strike out on my own, stay and make everyone happy or plead with my mom to help me out?? Any opinions out there?? Signed, At a Crossroads, NJ While I’m sure your mom means well in trying hard to save your marriage, I think she’s way off base. She should be more supportive of you! I believe you have to take a chance and strike out on your own. To stay in a dead marriage serves no one, not even your Lump of a husband and this would be far more damaging to your daughters than living apart from their father. I believe you are a strong and capable woman! You are already supporting your marriage household; you can surely support a single (Happy) mom household. Start asking the women you work with what they do for child care. Look for emotional support from other single moms. You’re stronger than you know! Signed, M. K. You scare me when you say, “stay and make everyone happy…” Wow, what about your happiness? Let me tell you. If you are not happy, no one around you will be happy and this includes your children. What you describe is a difficult situation, but if you look for a way out you will find it. I think you should find the power within yourself and free yourself and your children. You can do it! Signed, Kate, CA I thought for a moment that you had married my ex except your guy is a harder worker. To me giving advice is never easy because I really haven’t walked in your shoes or around in your head. But, I did have a similar sour marriage and for me leaving was my saving grace. It was tough going at first but three years later I’m a self confident and blissful me. I found a local support group for single moms through my library and some of these women remain my closet friends. I have one child and he’s thriving and happy. He sees his dad every other weekend and he’s adjusting well. FYI, my ex is living with his grandmother and just lost another job! I know you think things will be easier with your mom’s help, but from the sounds of it I think it will be harder. You have shown yourself to be responsible for all your bills by working on your own. I say get some professional counseling and support from friends to see you through this transition. Signed, Linda, CT Sometimes what you think God has joined together was actually what you forced together in spite of the warnings within your core. Ah, free will! Remind your mom that God is Love and He wants you to be happy, not judged or enslaved! I would guess that your mother’s issues about you moving in have nothing to do with God. Go your own way! You’ve already left. Signed, Mindful, NY I’m a 32 year old male, never married and last year I made the mistake of breaking off an 8 month relationship with a terrific lady. I don’t know why I acted so stupidly. Everyone said she was perfect for me, but I felt something was missing. It has been six months since the break up and I miss her a lot. She is constantly on my mind. I know now that I love her and want to spend my life with her. I’m going crazy because she won’t take my phone calls. I guess she is still upset, but I need to know how she really feels about me because I want her back. I think she is not taking my calls because she’s trying to punish me for my screw up. I’m writing to this site because I figure I’ll get some good and Positive direction. My question is how do I get her back? Please tell me what to do. Signed, Dumbo, NY |
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