| A Surprising Journey By Awakened Spirit |
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All through my marriage to Tom, his mother treated me like an outcast. I had married her only
son and for that I was to be judged and tormented for the duration of the marriage or until she
died, whichever came first. If you could die from an over chewed tongue I was surely going to go
before her, anyway. I had bitten my tongue so often, it was raw meat.
Tom’s mom, Diane, had been widowed for as long as I knew her. I figured Tom’s father had
enough good sense to bail out of his marriage early. Now I’m not being mean here. I’m just
telling you like it was...horrible! Diane depended on her son for every little thing. She would guilt
him up at every opportunity. We would know when the phone rang at eight in the morning that it
was mom with her marathon list of to-dos for Tom. Yes, she was a poor widow. Let’s all bite our
tongues together.
I had known Diane for about thirty years and during that time she never called me by name. I was
hey, hey you, you there, kiddo or missy. I guess speaking my name would have meant giving me
a wee bit of respect. She was so disrespectful to me that my children would comment about it.
Unfortunately, her bad behavior towards me made her grandchildren dislike her. You might be
wondering why I never confronted her or why Tom didn’t. Well, it was attempted on several
occasions and this crazy woman would just trance out and say she didn’t know what we were
talking about and then she would sob. Could Tom just disown his mother? No, he couldn’t.
Could I? Yes.
Life takes many twists and a few really strange turns sometimes. About three years ago, Diane
became very ill. She had an aggressive cancer which was consuming her body. We moved her
into our home and I was forced by circumstance to become her caregiver. Somehow watching
this poor woman suffer overrode thirty years of being mistreated. We bonded my patient and me.
She told me about her fears of being left alone when her husband died and her fear that Tom
would leave her, too. How she had been abandoned by her mother, at a corner drug store, when
she was five, and how she had spent her childhood in and out of institutions and foster homes.
There were hours upon hours of serious, humorous and soul wrenching conversations. This
dying woman had become my closest friend. I actually began to love her. Diane lost her battle
with cancer about a year ago. In her final moments she reached for my hand and called me, “My
daughter.”
It was through Diane’s illness that I learned the importance of looking deeper into others for who
they are and where they come from. I was never a big one for taking the time to understand
people, but now I am. My mother-in-law’s behavior all those years was simply based on her own
fears of abandonment and I was a threat to her security. I know now that had I been friendlier and
given her the assurance that she could count on both Tom and I, it would have been so much
better. I’m thankful that my children grew to know and love their grandmother in those final years,
also. I believe my relationship with Diane was a negative transformed into a positive.
son and for that I was to be judged and tormented for the duration of the marriage or until she
died, whichever came first. If you could die from an over chewed tongue I was surely going to go
before her, anyway. I had bitten my tongue so often, it was raw meat.
Tom’s mom, Diane, had been widowed for as long as I knew her. I figured Tom’s father had
enough good sense to bail out of his marriage early. Now I’m not being mean here. I’m just
telling you like it was...horrible! Diane depended on her son for every little thing. She would guilt
him up at every opportunity. We would know when the phone rang at eight in the morning that it
was mom with her marathon list of to-dos for Tom. Yes, she was a poor widow. Let’s all bite our
tongues together.
I had known Diane for about thirty years and during that time she never called me by name. I was
hey, hey you, you there, kiddo or missy. I guess speaking my name would have meant giving me
a wee bit of respect. She was so disrespectful to me that my children would comment about it.
Unfortunately, her bad behavior towards me made her grandchildren dislike her. You might be
wondering why I never confronted her or why Tom didn’t. Well, it was attempted on several
occasions and this crazy woman would just trance out and say she didn’t know what we were
talking about and then she would sob. Could Tom just disown his mother? No, he couldn’t.
Could I? Yes.
Life takes many twists and a few really strange turns sometimes. About three years ago, Diane
became very ill. She had an aggressive cancer which was consuming her body. We moved her
into our home and I was forced by circumstance to become her caregiver. Somehow watching
this poor woman suffer overrode thirty years of being mistreated. We bonded my patient and me.
She told me about her fears of being left alone when her husband died and her fear that Tom
would leave her, too. How she had been abandoned by her mother, at a corner drug store, when
she was five, and how she had spent her childhood in and out of institutions and foster homes.
There were hours upon hours of serious, humorous and soul wrenching conversations. This
dying woman had become my closest friend. I actually began to love her. Diane lost her battle
with cancer about a year ago. In her final moments she reached for my hand and called me, “My
daughter.”
It was through Diane’s illness that I learned the importance of looking deeper into others for who
they are and where they come from. I was never a big one for taking the time to understand
people, but now I am. My mother-in-law’s behavior all those years was simply based on her own
fears of abandonment and I was a threat to her security. I know now that had I been friendlier and
given her the assurance that she could count on both Tom and I, it would have been so much
better. I’m thankful that my children grew to know and love their grandmother in those final years,
also. I believe my relationship with Diane was a negative transformed into a positive.
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